Guide Wait for Me Journal: Thoughts for My Future Husband

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Wait For Me by Rebecca St. This song by the Christian singer Rebecca St. James is about abstaining from sex until marriage, and about the belief that the right person to marry is out there somewhere. In early , she got her guy when her Californian boyfriend Jacob Fink asked her to marry him. We spoke with Rebecca St. James shortly after the engagement, and she told us: "It's an entirely different experience singing that song now. The first time I sang it after I got engaged it was incredibly emotional for me.

But as I was setting up the songs, talking about the fact that I'd written the song for my future husband and never knew for ten years of my life who that was going to be and now I do, the audience just responded with such warmth and love. I'd even fall off of it.

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But I don't know where you are. So when I think I see you, I get excited and everything else I'm doing just seems like a distraction, even though it's not pointless, and I love my life and what I'm doing. But I've chased sooooo many mirages after jumping off the treadmill, and I've stopped for Prince Charmings that were meant for someone else.

And I've done the same thing to others that they've done to me. I've broken hearts. At times I've had to pretend to be someone besides who I am to dissuade people from pursuing a hopeless thing. I hate that, but I don't know what else to do because you can't just go around and bluntly tell people who are interested that you are not interested in them back.

Having Faith In God’s Plan

I've been waiting for you for so long. And I'll wait more because I still believe you're out there. But I'm warning you, my heart is kind of a desert fortress right now, so I hope you can scale the walls that's not a euphemism :. And maybe together we can drill a well and have an oasis. I don't know how water in the desert works. But I do thirst for you How can you crave a flavor you've never tasted? Or sense textures and a tone that you've never felt before? I don't know, but I know that your absence brings real pain. At best the pain is like a yawn that doesn't quite get to the bottom of my lungs.

But then it's like "well, I'm too tired to yawn again" and I move onto the next thing. At worst it's the onset of a gaping stillness, a silence, and a darkness that stretches on forever in my soul-- punctuated by pinpricks of hope that, like stars, are beautiful, but so very distant and unknowable.


It does help just to imagine that you are there, even though I can't project specifics. It helps to be with people who love me, but sometimes it makes it hurt more and then I have to go be by myself.

Wait for Me Journal: Thoughts for My Future Husband

I don't want one just to have one. If you were here right now, you'd probably laugh because I'm a mess. One minute I'm freaking out about how cool Kwanzaa is yeah, the holiday Well now I'm not going because I'm crying and I can't breathe through my sniffly nose. I would probably cuddle up to you or something.

I just can't believe that I don't know you yet. Or that I only know of you. Because how could we both be where we are if I knew you? Really knew you? I'm sorry if this is my fault. That's a stupid thing to say, probably, but it might be relevant. I've just met so many people you that you haven't been.

I'm so dizzy with it. So dizzy, how will I ever even get my head to be clear enough to see you? What if I've become too calloused, cynical, unbelieving? What if I'm expecting love to be a revelation, but it comes more slowly than that, and in a guise I just glaze over in my growing solipsism? These are the things I worry about. I pray all the time for you.

I know that God, in a way I can't quite fathom, is pulling strings somewhere. Maybe our kids are somewhere out there, too, helping.

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If we have a daughter I want to name her Grace. So I always remember the miracles that cradle me and all of life but I forget to see. I don't always feel like this. Despondent and stuff. I just don't know how to take myself seriously without you sometimes. Can you imagine Eve alone, without Adam? I can't think of anything sadder than that right now.

And yet. So many Adams and Eves, Eve-less and Adam-less. There are many ways to take a sabbatical and make it really beneficial both professionally and emotionally. I wrote about doing that here. Taking a sabbatical was a healing journey and I learned many life lessons. Regular naysayers are everywhere. Truly live your life on your terms. Not many people thought taking off one year for a sabbatical without pay was a good idea.

When the hurdles and the roadblocks inevitably come your way, whether professionally or personally, throwing a pity party is a precious waste of energy. The stage where we harbor a victim mentality and self-pity.

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If you find yourself here see 3 above. I admit I should have done this earlier. However, journaling can also have huge benefits for future planning. Many great intuitive thinkers kept journals and could visualize solutions to problems. It inspired many of his discoveries. Intuition is the inner wisdom that little voice that speaks to us.

While I was on sabbatical I started tuning in to my intuition.

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It helped me overcome my grief. It was as if my intuition was in overdrive. I became hyper-creative.